How Toxic Masculinity Makes Things Worse For Mental Health

Growing up, many of us, especially boys, hear things like:
“Man up.”
“Boys don’t cry.”
“Suck it up.”

It seems harmless at first. But these words gradually teach boys to hide their emotions, to stay quiet when they’re hurting, and to be “strong” no matter what they’re feeling inside.

That’s often the first experience of toxic masculinity that we all have in life. And then it slowly creates a negative impact on our mental health and the way we relate to our emotions for years to come.

What is toxic masculinity, exactly?

Masculinity on its own isn’t a bad thing. It includes traits like strength, courage, assertiveness, and independence - qualities often associated with being male in many cultures.

But toxic masculinity is something else. It’s when these traits become rigid, extreme, or expected at all times, to the point that they hurt both the person and those around them.

A false idea of strength

From a young age, boys are often taught to act unaffected when they’re sad, scared, or in pain. And over time, many start to believe that this is what strength looks like: not showing emotion, handling everything alone, and pushing through pain in silence.

It’s the belief that “real men” or “being strong” means “don’t cry.” And needing help is weak.

But this kind of emotional repression can have long-term consequences.

When one can’t accept and face the negative feelings, they may struggle to be empathetic not just toward others, but toward themselves, too. They may judge others for expressing vulnerability, simply because they’ve never been allowed to show our own.

Even worse, toxic masculinity can discourage men from seeking help. The pressure to always appear “okay” becomes a barrier to healing, and many end up suffering in silence.

Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away

In my own childhood, I was often told not to cry. Even if I was sad or embarrassed, crying felt… unacceptable. So I learned to hold it in, to suppress my feelings and internalise the struggle.

Later in life, my friends would tell me, “Don’t bottle it up.” But I didn’t really know how not to. I had spent so long being the one who “handled it all,” who didn’t lean on others, who didn’t trust easily or open up.

For others, emotional suppression might show up differently through outbursts of anger, sudden rage, or emotional shutdowns. More often than not, when men don’t have the space to feel sad or vulnerable, they often default to the only emotion that feels “acceptable”: anger.

But none of this is sustainable. And none of it is truly healthy.

So, what can we do?

As a society, we need to challenge the outdated narrative that men must always be tough and independent. Men are allowed to feel and to express emotion without shame.

Real strength isn’t about pushing through alone. It’s about recognising one’s feelings, even when they’re hard.

Crying, being vulnerable, saying “I’m not okay”... are not signs of weakness. They are signs of honesty, self-awareness and courage.

To all the boys and men out there, and to anyone who has unknowingly internalised toxic masculinity…

Acknowledging your sadness, pain, or loneliness is the first step. 

When we start to accept our emotions, we give ourselves the chance to truly process what we’re going through, whether it’s anxiety, grief, heartbreak, or stress.

Remember you don’t have to go through everything alone.

Trusting others and leaning on those you trust will make all the difference.

So reach out when you need support, allow yourself to be held and comforted emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.

Offer your presence to others too, even to the ones who always seem “toughest,” because they also need help sometimes.

Men, just like everyone else, are allowed to feel, to be vulnerable, and should be encouraged to deal with all the hardships in life in a healthy and sustainable way.

And we can finally let go of toxic masculinity, for good.