Balancing Asian Cultural Expectations and Emotional Expression
Growing up in an Asian household, I was taught early on that strength meant hiding my emotions. Even as a young child, if I fell down, crying was met with disapproval. I was told to brush it off and keep walking. When I lost competitions, I was praised for staying cheerful, even when I was actually disappointed. Around relatives, I learnt to suppress my frustration, regardless of who was right or wrong. As far as I can remember, the way I felt and expressed my emotions was taught and corrected.
This experience is far from uncommon; the idea that we’re “not allowed” to express emotion is something many of us have come to accept. In collectivistic cultures where group harmony and the community’s needs are prioritised over our own, expressing strong feelings, especially in public, is often frowned upon. Understandably, many of us learn to hold our feelings in. We internalise the idea that strength lies in stoicism, composure, and never letting our feelings get the best of us.
Unfortunately, over time, this approach can come at a cost.
Long-term emotional suppression can affect not just our mental and physical health, but also our relationships with others. Unexpressed emotions don’t disappear, they build up underneath the surface. These feelings can manifest in different ways, like negative emotions and physical stress. Identifying and accepting our emotions is an unfamiliar concept to many of us.
In a society where calmness and level-headedness are rewarded, freely expressing our emotions can carry a sense of shame. However, over time, I’ve come to see emotional expression not as weakness, but as strength. It takes courage to be vulnerable and allow others to see what we truly feel, especially when it goes against what we have been taught.
Of course, freely expressing emotion is much easier said than done. Many of us don’t have the words or space to be open about how we truly feel. However, we can start slowly, at our own pace. There are ways we can learn to accept our emotions a little at a time. When expressing our emotions is scary or difficult, starting with a safe, private space for expression like journalling, art, or even reflection can help us process and regulate what we feel. Simply writing expressively and disclosing our feelings has been found to be helpful for people’s mental health. These small moments of personal vulnerability can help us better understand ourselves and embrace our emotions over time.
As we learn to identify, experience, process, and express our full range of emotions, both positive and negative, we aren’t abandoning our cultural values. We can value emotional regulation and stability, while making room for vulnerability and openness. It’s not about making a choice between one or the other, but allowing them to coexist and finding our own balance. As we find our own personal happy medium, we can discover what strength truly means to us as individuals.
References
Murata, A., Moser, J. S., & Kitayama, S. (2013). Culture shapes electrocortical responses during emotion suppression. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience, 8(5), 595–601. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nss036
Tsai, William & Lu, Qian. (2018). Culture, emotion suppression and disclosure, and health. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 12. e12373. 10.1111/spc3.12373.