Acknowledging the big feelings that come with change

People throw 'adapt to change' around like it's easy. But you're dealing with a tidal wave of emotions, and everyone's advice is…well, not helpful. Let's change that.

What’s a big feeling?

We've all experienced junctures when our emotions feel larger than life, almost too overwhelming and difficult to navigate. For some, a "big feeling" manifests as an unexpected surge of intense emotion that can feel incredibly difficult to navigate.

“While big feelings are uncomfortable—at times they can even feel unbearable—they aren’t inherently positive or negative. When we take the time to understand them, big feelings like anger and regret can serve us. Anger can fuel us to advocate for what matters. And regret can provide us with insight into how to craft a more meaningful”

― Liz Fosslien, Big Feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay

You don't need to feel ashamed of your feelings; they are a natural part of being human. Especially when navigating trauma or difficult times, suppressing our emotions in hopes of appearing stronger or in control can be extremely detrimental. Having big feelings isn't a sign of weakness, but rather an indication that you might be in the process of learning to manage intense or unfamiliar emotions that often surface during transitions or unexpected life moments.

Unpacking the Emotions of Change

Change often feels like a step backward emotionally. You’ll have to unpack the box filled with unfamiliar emotions, be it anxiety and uncertainty about the unknown, or even excitement and hope for new possibilities. The very act of navigating this emotional terrain often leaves us feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Change triggers intense emotions, and among these, we often find:

• Anger: When change feels imposed or unjust

• Belonging: The desire to fit in and connect with others in the new environment

• Confusion: As familiar structures dissolve

• Curiosity: A spark of interest in the new

• Disorientation: Feeling unmoored and lost

• Fear: Of the unknown and potential failure

• Frustration: With the slow pace of adaptation

• Inspiration: Feeling motivated or stimulated by new possibilities

• Resistance: To the unfamiliar

• Vulnerability: Feeling exposed outside our comfort zone

Individuals may experience these emotions in varying combinations and intensities.

Tips to navigate your big feelings

Navigating these powerful emotions requires a personalised approach. Here are some strategies to help you find your way:

1) Setting realistic expectations:

Understand that navigating big feelings is an ongoing process with ups and downs. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small steps forward.

2) Techniques to self-regulate your emotions:

Equip yourself with strategies to manage your feelings like mindful breathing exercises, sensory grounding techniques, mindfulness, creative expression, movement and exercise.

3) Challenge negative thoughts through documentation:

If your big feelings are accompanied by negative self-talk or thinking, try to challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if they are truly accurate and what evidence supports or contradicts them. It would be useful to document your emotions through journaling and keeping track of the common behaviours that are causing you harm.

4) Speak to trusted companions about what you’re experiencing:

Sharing your experiences with people you trust – supportive friends, understanding family members, or mentors – can provide invaluable emotional support. Talking about what you're going through can offer perspective, validation, emotional release and practical support.

5) Seek professional help when needed:

Recognise that navigating intense or persistent big feelings can sometimes require the guidance of a trained mental health professional. Don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist if you:

• Feel consistently overwhelmed, stuck or unable to progress.

• Find your emotions significantly impacting daily life, relationships, or work.

• Rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms.

• Experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns.

The powerful emotions accompanying change don't need to feel like roadblocks. Your feelings are valid, and they deserve your attention and care. When you actively choose self-compassion, apply practical coping methods, and reach out for help when necessary, you're not just surviving change – you're advocating for your emotional growth. 

References 

Bodin, G. (2025, March 19). Emotional Regulation 101: How to Handle Big Feelings in a Crisis — Therapy for Anxiety and Trauma in San Francisco | Greg Bodin. Therapy for Anxiety and Trauma in San Francisco | Greg Bodin. https://www.gregbodin.com/blog/how-to-handle-big-feelings

Community, C. H. (2024, March 5). Those who express big feelings need self-care; those who love them need wisdom. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-healing-community/202403/a-macro-guide-to-managing-big-emotions

Fosslien, L., & Duffy, M. W. (2022). Big feelings: How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay. Penguin.

Lmhp, C. H. G. (2023, July 14). How the suppression of emotions hurts us all. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/enjoy-your-problems/202307/the-case-for-big-feelings