Understanding Emotional Resilience: Why It’s Important and How to Build it

Personal JourneysTips & Resources
Written By Qing Xu

A Personal Story of Learning to Bounce Back

When I was 21, I had a major breakdown. 

The causes were many: my first time studying in a foreign country; the heavy workload of the program; the realisation that I was not as made for academia as I had thought myself to be; and betrayal from a so-called long-time friend. The direct trigger was the tight deadline of an essay for a course called Psychoanalysis and Literature, which ironically caused me to have a mental breakdown.

Each day, when I returned to my dorm room, as if on cue, tears would involuntarily run down my face. I would sit there crying for almost half an hour, until there were no more tears coming out. In my catastrophic mind, I thought I would never be able to finish the essay and would have to drop out of the program. I would never be able to have any friends, nor find a job as a dropout. In short, my life would be over.

Accidentally, I came across a Japanese movie directed by Shunji Iwai called A Bride for Rip Van Winkle. In its Bildungsroman narrative, the heroine Nanami – simple-minded and timid– is tricked into a scamming marriage but gradually gains personal autonomy after embarking on an unexpected adventure and a friendship/lesbian relationship with another girl called Mashiro. 

In the final scene, she opens the window of her new apartment and gazes into the distance, accompanied by the background music of Mendelssohn’s On the Wings of Song. At that moment, I suddenly noticed the same early spring sun was leaking into my room through the edges of closely shut curtains. Something in me told me that the black hole that had been sucking me into its unfathomable depth had become a thing of the past. 

Soon, I finished the essay and eventually completed the degree. 

The film helped me realise that even the darkest time in life can pass, and one can become stronger and better after it.

In psychology, this ability to bounce back and recover is called emotional resilience.

By its definition, it refers to the emotional capacity to adapt to stressful situations, and cope with life’s ups and downs.

There are two key components of emotional resilience. One is adversity and the other is positive adaptation. Without going through a difficult experience, we won’t be able to build resilience. Likewise, the adaptation must be positive – meaning we become a better person after outgrowing the setback, with greater inner strength and better equipped to cope with future challenges.

What Are the Benefits of Emotional Resilience?

Emotional resilience can’t make adversity disappear or make you immune to the ups and downs of life. It is not a magic wand that gives you a happily-ever-after life, like in fairy tales. But it can change how we relate to difficult experiences. 

Emotional resilience helps you adapt to tough times and cope better. With resilience, you are able to see that setbacks are normal parts of life and less likely to fall into a victim mindset. 

Research has also shown that there is a connection between mental health and resilience. Higher levels of resilience are linked to lower levels of impulsivity and fewer depressive episodes. In other words, developing resilience is important for maintaining mental stability. It has also been found that people with high levels of resilience tend to have lower levels of PTSD, depression and anxiety symptoms.

It is also no surprise that resilience can lead to a fulfilling career. Individuals with greater emotional resilience possess a quality called “grit”, which enables them to make consistent progress toward employability, adapt to challenges and use change for career advancement.

How Can We Build Emotional Resilience?

Like my experience has shown, emotional resilience can be learned. Like training a muscle, the more we practise it, the stronger we can get. With the right methods, we can become more resilient regardless of our genetic make-up, past experiences or life circumstances. Below are some practical tips to help you build your “resilience muscle”:

  1. Cultivate a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset can help us become more resilient. The concept of a growth mindset was developed by psychologist Carol Dweck. It is a belief that a person’s capacities and talents can be improved over time. Our present skills or abilities aren’t fixed, and therefore shouldn’t define us. We can all learn from past mistakes and grow into better people. By believing that we can learn from mistakes and cope better in the future, we gradually build our resilience.

2. Build Social Support

Family and friends can give you needed support and help guide you in good and bad times.

3. Practise Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us to stay more grounded in the present and better equipped to challenge negative thoughts and emotions. In doing so, we strengthen our resilience. 

Try mindfulness apps like Headspace and Healthy Minds to do some simple meditation exercises. Mindful walking and mindful yoga are also great for reducing stress and helping manage difficult emotions.

4. Exercise

Physical activity can also positively affect mental well-being, reduce stress and help you build more resilience. Even a short daily walk can boost mental health.

5. Keep an Emotion Journal

Making notes about your emotional experiences can improve emotional literacy, which is one of the key components of resilience. Writing about how we feel helps us understand our emotional patterns and triggers. There is evidence that doing this for only two minutes a day has benefits for mental health.

6. Take Action

Avoiding problems will only make them worse. Addressing challenges head-on – even in small steps – builds confidence and adaptability.

7. Finding Purpose in Life

Ultimately, our life is shaped by the goals we set for ourselves. A clear sense of purpose acts as a beacon during adversity, guiding as forward to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Focusing on our long-term goals can help us maintain a more resilient outlook and remain hopeful and optimistic – even during hard times.

As I now look back, I see that resilience is what has carried me through negative events so that I can become a better iteration of myself. It helps me get rid of thought patterns that were not serving me, while gaining a deeper and more mature understanding about myself, others and of life itself.

If you’re going through a dark period in your life, I hope my story can help you find a sense of meaning in your experience — and perhaps, begin to understand what resilience means for you.

Qing Xu
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