How to talk about mental health with your Asian family
Maybe you have finally mustered up the courage to approach this topic: mental health–with your family. But then you also notice how the mere thought of it makes your stomach flip, your palms sweat, and your throat tighten.
Talking about mental well-being at home can be daunting, especially if you come from an Asian background, where emotional struggles are often denied, misinterpreted—or worse, stigmatized. For example, even though depression affects 3.8% of the global population, it’s still sometimes believed to be caused by a lack of willpower in East Asian cultures.
So, to help you feel better prepared for the conversation, here are some practical tips on how to broach the topic:
1. Choose your way of sharing
Having a face-to-face talk is ideal for important conversations. You can read body language, clarify things quickly, and show you mean what you say.
But if you are more of a “writer” type, that’s totally okay. Whether it’s a text, email, even a handwritten letter, writing can allow you to express what you might struggle to say out aloud. Plus, it gives your family time to process before responding.
There’s no “right” way to do this—just whatever feels most doable for you.
2. Rehearse a little
Jotting down what you want to say can really help ease the nerves.
Practising in advance can also help you feel more in control.
Try using “I” statements to keep things grounded in your experience. For example “I have been feeling really anxious lately.” instead of “You make me anxious.” “I” statements help express your feelings without sounding like you’re placing blame.
And don’t forget to breathe. A few deep breaths can go a long way in helping you stay calm and clear.
3. Pick a good moment
Find a time when everyone is relatively relaxed—maybe during a quiet dinner, or a walk together on the weekend.
However, if you’re in a mental health crisis, please don’t wait for the perfect moment. Your safety matters more than timing. Reach out for help right away.
4. Speak their language
When you're explaining what you're going through, try using words that your family might relate to more easily. Instead of bewildering medical terms, try to use day-to-day language instead. For example, instead of saying “ I’m experiencing mood dysregulation”, you can try saying 'It's like one moment I am fine, the next I feel I am completely drowned by my feelings.’
Frame the conversation in ways your family value—like work, resilience, or well-being:
“Lately I’ve been struggling to focus, and it’s starting to affect my work.” Many Asian families tend to understand emotional health better through the lens of physical well-being. So you can mention physical symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, or insomnia to help your family understand how your mental health struggles impact your physical health.
5. Focus on the positives
You can focus on what’s helping you—whether it’s therapy, journaling, exercise, or setting boundaries.
Frame mental health as a way of taking care of yourself, so you can show up more fully in your life and relationships. When the focus is on growth and self-care, it might feel less threatening to them.
6. Ask for support if needed
You don’t have to do this alone.
If there’s someone your family trusts—like an older sibling, a cousin, a family friend, or a community elder—you can ask them to help support or mediate the conversation.
Having an ally can make the space feel safer, and sometimes, hearing things from someone else can help your family listen differently.
7. Be patient with the process
Changing long-held beliefs takes time. Your family might not react the way you hoped.
But that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Their resistance isn’t a reflection of your truth—it’s a reflection of the world they were raised in. And beliefs can shift, slowly and gently, over time.
Finally… celebrate your courage!
No matter how the conversation goes, take a moment afterwards to celebrate your effort.
You chose to speak up; you chose to be vulnerable. That’s real courage.
In 2021, the Grand Slam singles champion Naomi Osaka withdrew from the French Open to take care of her mental well-being. People doubted her, but she stood firm. What she shared later is inspiring to all of us who choose to be open about our mental health:
“The good thing is that I learned after speaking up that not only was I not alone, but admitting I needed a break meant I was not weak. In fact, it takes more strength to speak up than to stay quiet.”
You can’t tame it if you can’t name it.
By naming what you are going through inside, you are making that “elephant in the room” more seen and heard.
Acknowledge your strength for having taken the first step towards creating a better space for healing, for yourself and for others too. 💛
References:
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6981757/
https://www.self.com/story/mental-health-asian-parents
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/a40219409/naomi-osaka-mental-health-french-open-withdrawal-interview/