Signs introspection has turned into overthinking
Self-awareness allows us to study ourselves. Many of us tend to remember our past more clearly, understand our own thoughts more deeply, and feel our emotions more strongly than those of others. With so much information about ourselves, naturally we might be inclined to examine them. This process is introspection, which sometimes leads us to learning more about ourselves.
What is introspection?
In this article, introspection is defined as examining how our thoughts, actions, and feelings (often as a result of external stimuli) affect us.
For example, there might be a person whom we dread talking to. They could be a colleague, “friend”, family member, or even a partner. Instead of forcing ourselves to “just talk to them and get it over with”, we can examine the situation. Digging into how we feel thinking about talking to them, we might find fear of conflict and frustration at being unheard. Looking into why we feel this way, we might realise their demanding behaviour is a trigger for past trauma. We might then be prompted to consider what needs to be changed to better align this relationship with our values.
Sometimes, introspection simply makes us more aware of ourselves. It can also lead to questions, which we can ponder over and arrive at new discoveries about ourselves. In moderation, it is a healthy way of ensuring that our thoughts and actions remain aligned with our needs, wants, and value system.
However, sometimes we scrutinise ourselves with an intensity we would not apply to anyone else. When taken to the extreme, introspection can turn into overthinking.
What is overthinking?
In this article, overthinking is defined as ruminating for prolonged periods of time without achieving any satisfactory outcome.
For example, we are debating whether to send a message to someone we want to talk to. They could be someone we have been having a crush on, someone we admire and want to learn from, someone we had a good time with and want to see again. Instead of just shooting a message conveying our intent as clearly as possible, we read our draft over and over, nitpick every word choice, and worry that the recipient may take it the wrong way. We may end up either sending something “safer” but not carrying our intended message, or nothing at all.
Overthinking tends to be a coping mechanism for fear or insecurity, in a bid to gain control against perceived uncertainty. When allowed to fester, it becomes compulsive, reinforcing anxiety and draining us of energy. It tends to be unhealthy; the more we fixate, the less we see the bigger picture.
When does introspection lead to overthinking?
Overthinking happens when introspection becomes an obsessive fixation. As introspection is just the act of looking inward, it is not overthinking in itself. What constitutes “obsessive fixation” certainly differs by individual, and not merely based on the time spent; a bus enthusiast contemplating different bus models and routes may not be considered as much “fixating” as a regular passenger constantly complaining about bus maintenance and speed. It would be best for us to make the judgement for ourselves.
Signs
Here are some potential signs that may help us identify fixation.
1. Dwelling on the same thoughts in vain
Introspection leads us to ponder over our wishes and limitations: “I want to befriend my colleagues but I don’t know if they’re keen”, “my parents so demanding”, “I want to write but I’m not good at it”.
Unfortunately, repeatedly thinking about them do not always yield conclusions. Instead, we might gain more clarity from direct experiences: talk to people and get to know them instead of guessing; negotiating expectations in relationships instead of assuming we are helpless; trying out hobbies instead of doubting our abilities.
Feedback from direct experiences can be more helpful than imagination.
2. Always imagining “what if”s
Sometimes, reminiscing our past prompts us to wonder how things could’ve been, and examining our current goals can lead us to ponder what might happen in the future.
While it might be introspective to reflect on our choices and actions, it becomes unhealthy when we regularly use imaginary scenarios to reinforce dissatisfaction with reality. A missed opportunity becomes easily romanticised in our mind, when it may very well present the same issues we are currently facing.
Speculations are not always relevant to our everyday lives.
3. Perfectionist attitude
Self-reflection is one way of identifying our shortcomings and working on them: “Was I too mean to my friend?”, “Should I work harder?”, “Am I contributing enough to environmentalism?”.
It can be beneficial to routinely re-evaluate our actions and re-calibrate if we have strayed from our goals. It is also important to recognise that we are not and will not be perfect, and many “flaws” and “suboptimal choices” are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. We will make mistakes, we will have down times, and there are many issues beyond our control. Life can still go on.
Final thoughts
Life is difficult for all of us, and sometimes it does not hurt to live and let live.
Self-discovery is a valuable endeavour. Being thoughtful for ourselves allows us better self-care, which in turn allows us to better care for our loved ones. Moderation is still key, if we catch ourselves obsessing and drowning in misery over analysing the same thoughts repeatedly, it might be a sign to take a step back. Finding the balance can be quite a struggle, so it is important to give ourselves grace in our growth journey.