How to Feel More Emotionally Grounded

You don’t cry when you’re angry because you’re weak. You cry because it’s your emotional outlet. 

Sometimes, your nervous system does not know how to handle the intensity of your feelings, so it may spill out as tears. Other times, it could translate as irritation or shutting down.

However, when emotions feel so out of control that you’re left wondering if they’re taking over your judgment or affecting your relationships, using some grounding techniques can help you feel calmer and more in control.

Learning grounding techniques can help you to enhance or reduce the intensity of your emotions, which many researchers believe is a core skill of emotional regulation. 

Like any other aspect of life, though, learning to be emotionally grounded is rarely a linear journey, and you may often fall back on patterns that you’re most familiar with (even if they don’t particularly serve you).

Hence, the way forward is to hold as much space and compassion for yourself as you can. Here are a few simple grounding practices that may help you reconnect with yourself and regulate your emotions.

Notice what you’re actually feeling

Most of us tend to have a distant relationship with our emotions. We feel them, but we often shy away from truly knowing what they are. 

Think of it like walking in a murky and shallow lake. You can see some ripples on the surface, but you cannot tell what’s actually underneath. So you guess. You assume it’s something small. Or you panic and imagine it’s something much bigger.

When you finally pause and pay attention, you may realise that the movement in the water has a shape, a size and a name. Maybe that was just a fish!

Emotions work similarly. When you react to the movement, you may feel overwhelmed. But when you pause and pay attention, you may start to identify what exactly you’re feeling. You begin to label, also known as affect labelling. 

Research shows that affect labelling reduces emotional distress in high-intensity and aversive conditions. 

Here’s a quick activity to help you get started: 

Instead of saying ‘I’m upset,’ try getting specific.

Pause and ask yourself:

• Is this frustration?

• Is this embarrassment?

• Is this rejection?

• Is this overwhelm?

Then spell it out loud and clearly in your mind, for example: ‘I’m feeling frustrated right now.’ 

You may also notice that more than one emotion can be present at the same time, and that’s completely okay. Emotions often overlap, such as feeling sadness alongside frustration or fear alongside uncertainty. Try to label as many emotions as you can in the moment.

Regulate your body

When you feel emotionally out of control, your body is usually activated before your mind catches up. The body and the mind are deeply interconnected.

For example, when you're anxious, your breath may shorten, your shoulders could tense, and your heart rate could increase. The changes occur simultaneously with your mood and emotions.

Hence, regulating your body directly sends signals to your brain, helping you calm down and ground yourself in the present moment. 

One of the most effective tools is slow breathing with a longer exhale. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps your body exit the fight-or-flight mode.

Give the activity below a try:

• Inhale through your nose for four seconds

• Exhale slowly through your mouth for six seconds

• Repeat for two to three minutes

You can also ground yourself through your senses. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

• Notice five things you can see

• Notice four things you can physically feel

• Notice three things you can hear

• Notice two things you can smell

• Notice one thing you can taste

Grounding tools that focus on the senses help anchor your attention in the present moment rather than letting your emotions spiral. 

Breathing techniques such as these are also commonly used by professionals during mental health counselling. You may find more resources here. 

Strengthen your daily foundation

Feeling emotionally grounded becomes easier when your baseline stress is lower. 

Some factors, such as lack of sleep or a poor diet, may contribute to an increase in emotional reactivity. 

Working on your basic functioning, like sleep and diet, may feel taxing, but it is through these activities that the brain learns to rest and repair. 

Your daily foundation may also include activities you engage in during the day. 

For example, is your work stressful? Do you have a complicated relationship with your family? How often do you spend time with your friends? 

When you’re overworked, feeling unloved, or lonely, your nervous system is also affected. 

Here’s a thought for you: How would you treat a child who’s crying? Maybe hug them or coddle them, talk sweetly and reassure them that things will get better. Now, every time you feel stressed, try to approach yourself with the same compassion that you’d show to a child. 

Notice how your body feels when you protect your inner energy. 

Finally, build a simple emotional check-in each day. Something that takes less than five minutes can help you feel much better. 

In your journal, try answering the three prompts below every evening:

• What did I feel today?

• What triggered me?

• What helped me feel relaxed and calm?

The more you write, the more patterns you observe, and the more patterns you notice, the better you understand yourself. 

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” - Oscar Wilde