Choosing Yourself in the Season of Hearts
There is a particular kind of tiredness that many people carry today. It is not always visible or dramatic, but it lingers. It shows up in shortened attention spans, constant self-comparison, and a feeling of being emotionally switched on at all times. In a world shaped by political unrest, economic pressure, rapid technological change and ongoing debates around rights and identity, it has become increasingly difficult to feel grounded. Against this backdrop, Valentine’s Day arrives with its familiar imagery of romance, affection, and connection. While romantic love can be meaningful, it is only one form of love. In times like these, it may be worth widening the lens to consider another kind of relationship that often receives less attention: the one we have with ourselves.
According to research published by the Department of Psychology in Universidad Pontificia de Salamanca, Spain, self-compassion or self-love has been shown to be consistently associated with benefits for mental health and well-being. Self-compassion entails self-kindness, mindfulness, and feelings of common humanity and self-kindness refers to an attitude of benevolence towards oneself, rather than self-criticism and self-judgment. The common humanity component refers to the understanding of suffering and pain as universal aspects of the human shared experience, instead of feeling isolated, separate, strange, weird or marginalized when disturbing events occur or problematic emotions arise.
Rethinking Self-Love
Self-love is often misunderstood as self-indulgence, confidence, or constant positivity. In reality, it is quieter and more practical. Self-love is the ongoing practice of treating yourself with respect, care, and honesty. It is how you respond to your own needs, limits and emotions, especially when life feels demanding or uncertain. Unlike romantic love, which is usually centred on another person and shaped by mutual desire, self-love is not dependent on validation, attention, or reciprocity. It does not require grand gestures or ideal conditions. It shows up in everyday decisions: how you speak to yourself, how you rest, what you tolerate, and what you choose to let go of. Romantic love often focuses on outward connection. Self-love focuses on inward connection. One can enhance the other, but they are not interchangeable. Without self-love, even the strongest relationships can become draining or imbalanced. With it, relationships of all kinds tend to become more grounded and sustainable.
Self-Love Through an Asian Cultural Lens
In many Asian cultures, the idea of the self has traditionally been understood in relation to family, community, and social harmony. Influences from Confucianism emphasise duty and responsibility, while Buddhist and Taoist traditions focus on balance, impermanence, and compassion. Within these frameworks, caring for oneself has rarely been loud or performative. It has often taken the form of discipline, moderation, and quiet endurance.
However, modern life has intensified pressure in new ways. Across cities in East and Southeast Asia, long working hours, competitive education systems and constant connectivity have blurred the boundaries between effort and exhaustion. In these environments, self-love is not about prioritising the self above others. It is about preserving the energy and clarity needed to remain present, capable, and emotionally well.
Ideas such as the Japanese concept of ikigai (生きがい), which points to a life sustained by meaning rather than constant striving, or the Korean idea of nunchi (눈치), which values emotional awareness and sensitivity, remind us that care can be relational and reflective. They suggest that self-love can coexist with social responsibility rather than undermine it.
Despite growing awareness, mental health remains a sensitive topic in many parts of Asia. Emotional distress is often internalised, reframed as stress to be managed privately or dismissed as something to be endured. Many people grow up learning to persist quietly, placing collective stability above personal expression.
Self-Love Begins With Permission
Self-love begins with permission. Permission to acknowledge anxiety, burnout, or emotional fatigue without judgement. Permission to rest without feeling guilty. Permission to seek help without framing it as failure. In Buddhist thought, compassion begins with recognising suffering, including one’s own. This perspective reframes self-love not as ego but as awareness. You cannot care deeply for others while denying care to yourself.
Care Is Not Escape, It’s Regulation
Self-care is often mistaken for withdrawal, but across many Asian traditions, it is about regulation rather than escape. Practices such as meditation, mindful breathing, yoga, tai chi, or tea rituals are not about avoiding reality but about returning to balance within it. Even small acts can become meaningful when done intentionally. Eating without distraction, walking without headphones, honouring sleep, or allowing moments of silence in a busy day are simple ways of reinforcing self-respect. In cultures where worth is closely tied to productivity, these choices can feel uncomfortable. Yet they are essential.
From Personal Care to Collective Well-Being
Self-love is personal, but it is not isolated. When people are chronically depleted, they disengage from community and compassion. When people feel supported and grounded, they are more capable of empathy, patience, and sustained participation in social life. Many Asian philosophies emphasise harmony not as the absence of difficulty but as the ability to remain balanced amid change. Self-love, in this sense, supports collective well-being. It allows individuals to remain open rather than hardened by pressure.
Living Gently
Self-love does not need to be heavy or serious. It can be woven into daily life in ways that feel natural and even enjoyable. Some ways to cultivate self-love include taking yourself out for a quiet coffee or tea and treating it as a pause rather than a reward. Alternatively, create a simple wind-down ritual inspired by cultural practices you admire, whether that is stretching, journalling, prayer, or listening to calming music before sleep. Curate your digital environment by unfollowing accounts that heighten anxiety or comparison and following voices that offer calm, humour, or perspective. Learn something slowly and without the pressure to turn it into an achievement. Cook a family recipe, try calligraphy, grow plants, or explore a language purely for enjoyment. Practise compassionate self-talk by noticing how you respond to your own mistakes and choosing a kinder tone. Reconnect with your body in non-performative ways. Walk, stretch, dance at home, or rest without tracking or measuring progress.
Ultimately, Valentine’s Day does not have to centre around romantic fulfilment or comparison. It can be a moment to reflect on how you are treating yourself in a demanding world. Self-love may not be visible or dramatic. Often, it is steady, quiet and deeply practical. In uncertain times, caring for your mental and emotional well-being is not a retreat from reality. It is a way of staying present within it. And that may be the most meaningful commitment you make, this season and beyond.
References:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9482966/