How to talk to your Asian parents about getting help for your mental health
Ever wondered what it’s like to open up about your mental health to your parents? In Asian cultures, where mental health is still largely a taboo topic, it can be daunting at first. I can completely resonate with you, I also have Asian parents.
Why is it difficult to open up to Asian parents, who should be your closest support system?
I believe a lot of it has to do with the way we have been brought up. Talking about mental health is still not as common in Asia as in western countries. It has been ingrained in us since childhood that we should make our parents proud, and talking about mental illness can be seen as a disgrace. Asian parents may send their children to a guidance counsellor (academic) rather than a therapist for their mental wellbeing.
At times there can be a lack of communication that can serve as a basis for misunderstanding. Since mental health is not a usual topic of conversation in Asian households, it may be difficult for them to understand its terminologies. Having depression can mean being simply sad about something, and they may not want to explore beyond that.
Your parents may see your mental health issues as your lack of willpower to overcome a specific problem. Cultural differences also play a vital role in exacerbating the problem. Parents often teach what they have learned from their parents and expect the same from their children.
If talking to your parents about your mental health is essential for you, what can you do?
Don’t hold back!
Considering the difficult conversation you may face, you might want to withdraw your decision to open up. I understand that. But you should ponder on what is making you hold back? Do you believe that your parents will not understand you? They might judge you for your personality, or they might get defensive?
But if you think that telling them how you feel will help you feel better and that your parents will play a vital role in your mental health journey, then go ahead and take your chance. They will be willing to listen to you and might want to assist you, or it could also be possible that they have noticed a change in your attitude and are waiting for you to tell them.
How to talk to your Asian parents about seeking help for your mental health?
Make them understand that mental health is a real thing. It needs to be addressed with the same urgency as any other problem. Show them that you want to recover and that seeking a mental health professional can help speed up the recovery process. Be clear on what you want, which can be as simple as support or acceptance. Your parents may not get it the first time. But that does not mean that you have to give up. Explaining to them how you feel and how it is hampering your life can take time, and this requires patience, especially if mental health is not normally discussed in your family. As mentioned by Sarah Do in her Talking to your Asian Parents about mental health video with Biola University Center for Marriage & Relationships, both physical and mental well-being is a vital part of life. “Just like a medical doctor would set a broken arm, a counsellor will help set a broken soul.”
Tell them about how you feel and why?
Explain to them what you are experiencing now, how it has changed from your previous mental health status, and how it’s affecting you and your work. For example, “I am not feeling good these days. I feel sad for no reason. I don’t want to wake up from bed and do anything. I feel like I am not worthy, or I get too anxious at times. It’s been more than a month since I started feeling this way. I get depressed for a few days and feel excited for the next few. I don’t know what to do.”
Expect the Unexpected
Your parents may have a bunch of questions for you. Try not to get discouraged. It will be equally daunting for your parents as it is for you. They might freak out, and you might feel frustrated that your parents are not able to understand you. But be patient. Try and explain your mental health status in simpler terms.
Use examples from conversations going around you
If you think that your parents do not know your condition, try and look for a few examples (can be anyone in your family who has been through what you are going through, or can be a celebrity who has shared about this in public). Then try and correlate this with your situation. It will help them understand better and also help you normalize this discussion.
For example, Narelle Kheng, a Singapore-based singer and actress — has been open about her struggles with mental health (depression). You can access her talks with Calm Collective Asia here and here.
Recently, many K-pop singers have been open about their mental health struggles. You can use their story as a basis for your conversation. You can access more information about their encounter via the net and other platforms such as Mindset.
Ask for professional help, if needed
Now that you have disclosed your mental health issues to your parents, you can ask for professional help. Ask them to book an appointment with a therapist and if they can accompany you (if you want). Calm them down by saying that you want to learn more about your mental health issue and the techniques that can help change things for the better.
To learn more about this, listen to MannMukti’s Therapy Series - Episode 1: Mom & Dad, I want to seek therapy, in which Dr Rakhi Sen helps south Asian youth navigate the conversation with parents.